Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV)
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
When you read Ephesians 5:22-25 there should be no doubt in your mind that God intended Christian men and Christian women to have separate roles. As Paul explains the distinct roles of husband and wife, keeping in mind that the true purpose is to be a representation of how Christ loved and honored His church, he makes it abundantly clear that there is a position of headship and a position of servanthood within the Christian marriage. In case you missed it the first time let’s try it again:
23For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church,…24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
The roles are distinct, irrevocable, and not interchangeable or reversible. You can no more reverse the role of husband and wife than you can reverse the role of Christ and the church.
From John Piper:
“Husbands are compared to Christ; wives are compared to the church. Husbands are compared to the head; wives are compared to the body. Husbands are commanded to love as Christ loved; wives are commanded to submit as the church is to submit to Christ.”
Two points here:
- 1) Please do keep in mind that this discussion is specific to the relationship between Christian husbands and wives. This passage does not teach that a wife is to be submissive to all men, only to her husband. God has given the Christian wife a husband…he is hers…she possesses him…he belongs to her…and yet she submits to him.
- 2) Whether you’re a man or a woman, a husband or a wife, ….if the above passage makes you uncomfortable, if you think it’s oppressive or humiliating, bear in mind that by taking issue with it, by refusing to open your eyes and heart to this teaching, your disagreement is not with me,.. but you have now chosen to stand in opposition to the Creator of the universe.
So, we see that a wife’s submission within the confines of Christian marriage is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.
John MacArthur offers this:
“But in the created order and in the proper design of God, it is legally binding by the commandment of the Almighty Himself that a wife be in submission to her husband. It is fitting, Paul says, before the Lord. His leadership is given by God and she is to recognize that and in a humble spirit of loving submission come under that leadership. And again I remind you that this should be easy to do, it should be very appropriate, well understood, except for the curse, except for our sinfulness and except for the onslaught that Satan has brought against marriage to confuse these issues.”
Take a moment to look at Proverbs 31. I’m going to reference verses 10-12 and 26-31, although if you will take a moment to read the full passage it clearly reflects the value of a wife’s efforts. If you believe that the above statement(s) serve to repress, stifle, squelch or restrain a wife and mother please examine Proverbs 31.
Proverbs 31:10-12, 26-31 (NIV)
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
If you read through this passage you will see the wife and mother portrayed thusly: valuable, trustworthy, supportive, enterprising, productive, willing to sacrifice. Those don’t sound like inferior or sub-standard character traits. Those are traits that are to be sought after. Those are the traits that stand the test of time and ravages of a fallen, sinful society.
The Lord has established a divine model of marriage. It is between a man and a woman. The Lord, in His wisdom, has appointed the man to be the leader, provider, and protector in your marriage and in your family. Wives, you are the body of the marriage covenant, and your husband is the head of it.
John MacArthur again:
Jesus Christ is the Savior of the church, and when he died on the cross He said, “It is finished” (John 19:30). All we need to do is fall under His provision. That’s the illustration. Now in the home, the husband is the provider, the deliverer, the protector, and the savior. We don’t need co-breadwinners, co-saviors, co-protectors, co-providers, or co-preservers. All a wife needs to do is fall under the protection, the provision, and the preservation of her husband. That’s God-ordained pattern. And believe me, when we follow that pattern, we’ll have happier homes, godlier children, and fewer divorces. God will be honored, and the Word of God will not be blasphemed.
Why is this important? What weight does it really carry in today’s society? We’re talking about nothing of less importance than Biblical authority.
If we claim we are Christians, affirm that we believe in the Word of God, go forth and offer the Gospel to the lost, proclaim the Bible to be wholly sufficient for our needs, yet in our daily testimony, the lives that others see us living, do not honor the Word of God, why should anyone believe that it’s as important as we claim it is? Where there is a lack of obedience to the tenets of scripture, there is a statement being made. The impact of losing the authority of scripture is devastating.
If it means you need to make changes in you life….make them. It’s that simple. If we as Christians are going to have an impact in the world, that’s the way we need to live. And may God help us to do that for His glory, through His grace and by His mercy.
I think that if every man truly loved their wife as Christ loved the church, and put them first before their jobs, their kids and their recreations,then their wives would have no problem submitting to them.
As far as the Proverbs 31 woman–
I have heard Pastors preach on this many times–all the while overworking their staff of woman and placing demands on them that interfere with their taking care of their own families. I have heard Pastors speak of how women should stay home, raise their children, take care of their husbands.(their wives are doing that, because they have megachurch saleries, yet all the women they are preaching to (that are tithing their income) don’t have that luxury. Proverbs 31 woman– That just doesn’t seem to fit in todays society of 2 cars, mortgage payments, private Christian schools. It is a 2 income home. In my own opinion, most of the problems in todays society is because women have to work and are exhausted and burnt out. They have very little left at the end of the day.
Comment by Chosen4HIm — March 18, 2008 @ 9:27 am |
Agreed for the most part. As a husband and father I admit that it’s often difficult to maintain the proper perspective. Sometimes as my work begins to burdon me heavily I tend to expect my wife to pick up more of the slack around the house, etc. That’s wrong of me and I must constantly be aware of my tendency to do that.
Regarding your statements on the Proverbs 31 woman; I agree with your summary of “That just doesn’t seem to fit in todays society of 2 cars, mortgage payments, private Christian schools. It is a 2 income home. In my own opinion, most of the problems in todays society is because women have to work and are exhausted and burnt out. They have very little left at the end of the day.”
It is exactly the point I am trying to make. Much of the things we are speaking of are clearly choices, not necessities. My own household is operating at an income level approximately $30k lower than it was 4 years ago because my wife is a stay-at-home mother for our daughter right now. There have been quite a few sacrifices and changes in both our lives to facilitate this. If you would have asked me prior to my daughter’s birth whether our family could make ends meet with $30k less income I would have simply laughed at the idea.
I will step up my efforts on the follow-up part to this. Hopefully it will clear up my position on a few things.
Thanks for posting!
Christ above all,
Jon
Comment by boxer4luvr — March 18, 2008 @ 1:26 pm |
Jon,
My comments are not directed at you–just some thoughts when I think of the demands on todays women (and men for that matter)..women in biblical times worked, but it was always for the benefit of their family. It took many hours just to do the laundry!
Just today I was pondering some relatives comments about the Bible being outdated. While I disagree with the premise of these comments, I do agree that times they are a changin’ (and changed).
It is wonderfult hat you realized the importance of your wife raising your daughter, and were willing to make the sacrifices necessary to be faithful and obedient to the Lord. That is truly commendable and you will be blessed for this. We can do with alot of “things”..but a child needs it’s mom. As a professional, I worked until my kids were 4 and 6 and then realized I needed to leave my work. Now that they are teens and have a full day at school, I will return part time. I appreciate so the fact that I was able to do this–so many women can’t.
Comment by Chosen4Him — March 18, 2008 @ 9:22 pm |
Chosen,
I didn’t mean to come across as defending myself really. I was just using my own personal experience to provide example of sorts.
The times they are a’changin’, absolutely! I’m just so glad that we have been given the Word of God in such a way that it has been faithfully preserved for us. The one thing that doesn’t change is the Word!
Could you offer any examples or arguements that were given by your relatives regarding the sufficiency of scripture? I’d appreciate the opportunity to analyze them and study their stance.
Thanks!
Jon
Comment by boxer4luvr — March 18, 2008 @ 10:36 pm |
Well, my Catholic father in law claims that the Bible is outdated..as you may know, the Pope just added 7 more mortal sins (or is it venial?). The RCC claims that it gets new revelationa all the time, so why bother with the Bible?
There was a discussion, and he does not believe that Israel belongs to the Jewish people according to God’s promises in the OT. He is of middle eastern descent and believes the land belongs to the Pallestinians. So therefore he doesn’t believe that what God said 2,000 yrs ago (his quote, but it is more like 4,000) still holds true today.
When I asked him how he is forgiven his sins, he claims the Priest holds the office to appeal to God for his forgiveness. You know in certain points he is correct–we are forgiven by the cross, yet we still must confess. He claims that “You evangelicals think you are forgiven and you can keep sinning”. He believes this because we don’t have confession like the Catholics and when I explain that I repent every day, that seems to justify his argument that we can’t be forgiven once and for all. Of course I understand the complexity of this argument but he is really bound by his religion that he vows to keep “till the day I die”. Anyway after he stated the confession as his means of forgiveness I asked “Is that all you do”? He said “Yes”..but then I said “How many Hail Mary’s must you say?” That really angered him. It began the discussion on Mary once again.
I have studied Catholicism for many many years on and off– it is not my background so when I was saved 11 yrs ago I wanted to understand what they belived-even studied the Catechism which drove me nits with all its lies. I have all John Mac’s teachings-I think 9 in all. I am very well studied on the subject and got all the books I could find by respected Christian authors. We will be in my husbands home town next week for Easter break so if you can keep us in prayer-it is usually a very difficult time since Mary is all over the homes in paintings, wearing her crown with “another Jesus” as a baby in her arms. His family members(his whole family lives in one area) are usually willing to get into debates and arguments with us. I dread the time yet pray for the Lord to open their hearts for the truth. Thats all we can do.
There are many other arguments, but as you know Catholics and all the other denominations that came as a result of the Reformation are amillemialists and therefore believe Israel lost any claims to OT promises.
Comment by Chosen4Him — March 19, 2008 @ 6:02 am |
Good word Jon! Keep up the good work buddy!
tr
Comment by galatiansc4v16 — March 19, 2008 @ 12:05 pm |
We’re working on simplifying our lives so that we can slip more into our God-given roles as family. I’m grateful that while I didn’t have this all figured out while I was single-mom-ing it for ten and half years, God provided a couple of godly friends for my daughter who have godly parents living out this example. Though I couldn’t (Or didn’t) provide that for her, God picked up where I left off (Or failed). I’m certainly grateful for that.
It certainly is difficult in today’s American society to live out God’s ideal in marriage, but though our world is changing, our God is the same yesterday, today and always. I am confident that in spite of our changing world around us, He provides ways for us to accomplish His will, without compromise, for our lives. We just need to rely on Him to show us how to do that.
—Working on that Proverbs 31 thing in spite of 2008
Comment by Loving The Word — March 24, 2008 @ 8:45 pm |